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Some people say forgive and forget, ah well, I don’t know. I say forget and just accept, then just get the hell out of town.
It’s quick, passing you by in a flash this thing called life. Sometimes too quick and unfair, truly unfair. They say only the good die young, well I don’t about all that shit but as far as I’m concerned anytime is too young to die. There’s so much still to do, I mean do we ever really finish doing everything we planned on doing before the curtain comes down?
I’ve lost a couple of good friends this past few months. I’ve lost a half dozen in the past few years and if I count acquaintances, well fuck it why bother. All of them have been LA folks, Hollywood friends, people I knew from here who transplanted out there on the left coast or others I met out there who became a part of my life. In this past three years I’ve had two good friends commit suicide. One choked down a bottle of pills and sang guitar ballads until he fell asleep (true story) another took a swan dive off of a five story building, thought he could fly, even had his newest script some producer had plagiarized and stole, in hand. Both a direct result of dreams that didn’t come true. Another murdered by cops in Ventura County for well from what I can figure, being out too late in a public park? Yeah he was unarmed, a successful studio worker and a great guy with two kids. Yeah the cops paid money but he paid with his life. Don’t even get me started on that fucking head trip. Most recently Hollywood Johnny Fratto one helluva guy taken away by cancer with a a few weeks notice. What the fuck is that all about? And now a former child-star with not so much luck in his adult career taking the big dirt nap. I hate to think it was another due to drugs but I have my suspicions and hope to be proven wrong. All these good cats robbed of life too early. Then you got the little-johnny-suck-a-dick movie star types who break every rule in the book and still walk away unscathed. It just ain’t fair is all. I’m beginning to think its a fucking conspiracy. But that’s bright lights and big city right? Maybe I got out just in time. Maybe I should stay out?
I always heard Hollywood kills but just not this quickly. Yeah that dirty little star fucker of a town has no sympathy for the devil or anyone or anything else for that matter, it’ll take you down in a heart beat. Maybe thats why after fifteen longs years I’m here and they’re there. I’ve always followed my instinct. I know when it’s time to go or step back and take a rest. That after all is how I have survived life this long. It doesn’t hurt that I’m still sane enough to make some sort of a positive contribution to my parents twilight years. Oh make no bones about it, I jones for the place LA at times. Bright lights, Sunset Blvd., movie sets, The Rainbow Bar and Grill, mansion parties, fun in the sun and beach sex. It’s a shit show really, a porno playground for an overgrown, socially retarded, mentally underdeveloped man-child with more thought invested in his genitals that in his geriatric future. Don’t even get me started on the women. Plenty of pill-poppin’ hotties with daddy complexes and psychotic relationship episodes, right up my alley. It’s all fun as long as you keep your wallet jammed in your underwear when you go to sleep at night otherwise you wake up with her and your money gone.
Yep make the choice, get rich and famous and die a lonely broken person or grow old and die broke in some decrepit one bedroom Gower Street apartment complex with a couple of dozen other former wannabe starlets and used up character actors. Those are usually the two most common options in Hollywood. Which one is more fun? It’s an insane asylum for the most part but man is it fucking addicting and I fit right in. You love it even when you know the lifestyle of the not-so-rich and truly not famous can kill you on your best day even if you’re not doing drugs or slithering out from under the sheets of some skanky whore or skeezy dude even knowing that they’re harboring every STD Hollywood has to offer. It’s a drug really Hollywood is. It’s like taking the biggest drag of crank you possibly can take off of that glass dick and holding in the hit in until your blue in the face because you know once you exhale and breathe again it’s all over with. Life goes back to being a boring sack of ass. Hollywood might not be teeming with class, integrity and fucking positive morality by a long shot but fuckin’ A it’s never boring, at least not for me it wasn’t. Shit for years I committed my life to being guilty of the crime of moral turpitude and then some and doing as much contrary to community standards as humanly possible. Total depravity in my private and social duties was my fucking goal man even in times when I was trying to maintain a, if not enviable, at very least an acceptable social face. Just enough face to get through the next agent meeting that I knew would be another stroke job disaster. Hide your women and children that was my fucking motto. Then, well, I lived to see 40. A task I never worked at and a goal I surely didn’t expect to meet. But I never look a gift horse in the mouth.
I always used to say if I can’t be famous I’ll settle for infamous then I got a life. My buddy Roger Dodger a Midwest music man of epic talent reincarnated into a Chiropractor used to call me the most famous non-famous guy in Hollywood. I guess because I got around everywhere and knew more than my fair share of people. I always had a pretty good life of credit financially and otherwise. But I’ve always been a knock around guy, ever since I was a kid making the rounds and visiting most everybody I knew on a regular basis whether they wanted to see me or not. A skill I carried with me onto Hollywood. Ah the good ole days when the dating choice was between a girl who was a tweaker and a girl who was on her way to being a tweaker. Back in the day when my dining buddies where bank robbers turned writers, actors turned drug dealers and porn stars who just wanted the soccer mom van and house with the white picket fence. When getting into porn was a viable option for many even if only long enough to pay the rent and get laid.
It’s funny how one can leave a questionable life behind only to find a similar one wherever they go. But I guess if you don’t die you wise up or at least don’t get stupider? But we’re all on borrowed time right? I’m pretty sure I’m on stolen fun, so I may as well have fun. It’s like the Allman Brothers sang ‘The High Cost of Low Livin’. It seems the ones who don’t deserve it get it and those who do deserve it and got it coming get paid. But I guess at the end of the day we all got it comin’.