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Well, not really but it sounds good. Another day, another dollar, another year, good riddance is all I can say. This has been a rough one. Bring on the new shit, let go of the old. Actually don’t just let go of the old, kick it right in the balls not once but twice just to make sure it stays down. Auld Lang Syne my dick. Hey, why fight to remember the good that happened in 2015 when, well it don’t make a bit of fucking difference anyhow. No one gives a fat fuck what did or did not happen in your life in 2015 or the year before that and before that etc., etc., etc. Truth is when you do a complete accounting you probably have less than five fingers worth of people in your life that actually do give a fuck about you. But that’s just life ain’t it. So bring on 2016!
I thought I knew it all when the truth is I didn’t know shit and know even less now. I’m inclined to think we know more when were kids and just get fucking stupider as we get older. We buy into all the same old bullshit out folks did. Politics, religion, work hard and succeed, true love, all the old bullshit. Well okay maybe true love is out there, I suppose I’ll always be a hopeless romantic at heart but the rest of it, yeah, complete bullshit that they try to sell you with a fucking toaster. Call me jaded if you want to believe me you wouldn’t be the first. But the truth is the truth right? That’s the problem these days everybody is scared to say what they really want to say. The country, shit the world is too politically correct. No one will just call it like it is anymore, call a spade a spade. Nigger, hick, spic, kike, dyke, polack, dego chink, fag. Did I leave anyone to offend out? If so I apologize in advance but just say what you mean already. Say what you mean and mean what you say, that’s my motto. You save the rest of the world a lot of unnecessary rhetoric.
Yeah, it’s been one of those years. Those years when you learn who’s who, what’s what, who really matters and who you matter to. They say you a leopard doesn’t change its spots maybe that’s the truth about people, we are who we are. I mean hell I could bitch and moan all night but whats’ the point? Just move forward right? The truth is anyone who may have thrown me under the bus or those whom I have seen throw others under the bus did me a huge favor and don’t even know it. They helped me walk away from situations and people that could easily have dragged out just to cause me more bullshit. Remember that scene in ‘A Bronx Tale’ when Sonny tells ‘C’ who bitching about the twenty bucks that the kid ‘Louie Dumps’ owes him to which Sonny replies “Well there’s your answer right there. Look at it this way… It costs you 20 dollars to get rid of him. He’s never gonna bother you again. He’s never gonna ask you for money again. He’s out of your life for 20 dollars. You got off cheap. Forget it.” That’s kind of the way I feel these days. Instead they helped me cut my losses and start clean. Now that doesn’t mean I can’t be cordial and social with my relationships it just means I need to watch those I take seriously and want to invest my time in a little more closely. Maybe it’s just me getting another year older and hopefully wiser? Maybe the truth is the herd needs to be thinned out. Now believe me I’m no prince charming and surely can be something of a jagoff at times but I promise you one thing for sure, you’ll always know where I stand and what think if you care to ask but be careful what you ask for. That said, I don’t have time to waste because there is just too little of it to share with those who you can’t trust. I guess I’m distrusting by nature or at least so I have been told. I come by it honestly, ma taught me that much. Time is the ultimate tyrant and will do whatever it has to to steal the little you have. Time is not giving it waits for no one so why waste it on things that just aren’t worth it.
Lately I’ve been killing more time than space and that shit has got to change. It’s kind of like trying to write your life story when your running out of breath. This year I’ve been busy handling the duties of a son who is grateful to be here to handle the duties one needs to when the parents get older. I’ve had too many friends and uncles who have died all alone or in bad situations to sit by and watch the same happen to my folks so here I am. I’m not asking for any kudos or attaboys just a chance to make things right. Growing up was a bit a bit dicey to put it mildly and I doubt my folks would qualify for much less win any child rearing awards. But whatever beefs I may have had I am pretty much over by now. I have realized that they didn’t have to necessarily be good parents for me to be a good son. So here I am learning this shit on the fly. There is no prep time for it, no class you can take and you can listen to everybody’s advice but in the end you just gotta do it and make it happen and hope it turns out right. But like I said lately I’ve been killing more time than space and a road trip even a short one is definitely in need. It’s time to break out and breathe.
A year to live and learn. I’ve learned a lot this year, mainly that I don’t know shit and the shit I do know I sometimes wish I didn’t. Life changes and so do we and if we don’t change with it then it’s gonna change without us anyway. So why fight it? Cuts your losses and move on right? I have learned to roll with the punches, pick my teeth up off the ground and move on down the road. Pick your fights wisely that’s the key. I also learned more than I’ve ever known about who I am and what makes me tick and even if I wanted to, no matter how I might try I can’t change that and wouldn’t want to. I have learned how to live and knowing how to live is much more crucial than why. I have found that I have more respect for reprobates and miscreants than I do for supposedly upstanding citizens. The ‘upstanding’ ones are usually more full of shit and far less principled than those who they vilify for being morally bankrupt. Shit from personal experience I can tell you there’s a lot of fun in being morally bankrupt. Yeah being a scoundrel isn’t necessarily all that bad. Shit at least I know where they stand and they know where I stand. Yeah too many people buy into the bullshit they are sold. Shit sadly most people believe the shit they’re told, don’t you?